Iranian distributer of The Satanic Verses has his potential deportation halted.

Why it was going to occur at all is beyond me, though.

Ali will no doubt come and remonstrate with me about this soon for numerous doctrinal errors. But - say goodbye to half of the Anglican Church, comrades. Observe:

The Anglican Church faces what is in effect a schism this weekend after the declaration last night of conservative evangelicals to create a “church within a church”. The new body, called the Fellowship of Confessing Anglicans, will have its own bishops, clergy and theological colleges.

The conservatives enjoy irrelevance, it seems. They don’t understand that erecting a wall around themselves will simply further cut them off from reality. Their ideas are rooted in a dogmatic, hardline interpretation of an ancient socio-cultural text not known for its consistent practical relevance. That ancient culture no longer exists; and so its stranger emanations simply don’t wash anymore.

“Modernising” Christians (hah…) get this. They realise that the bigoted fury of a vicious desert-society rests at odds with modern civilisations (such as they are) - but argue a relevant message rests beneath. Very debatable; but a more pragmatic approach to doctrine does allow them slightly more leeway in fighting the losing battle that is attempting to convince the public of a scientific age to believe in the sky-god. They can drop they hair-shirted adulterer-stoning no-wearing-clothes-of-two-materials bit and try and address the issues relevant to modern life.

So - part of the Anglican church drops away and seals itself off to new converts. The rest, meanwhile, goes on as usual - but looks weaker. Humanity looks on puzzled at a sectarian squabbling which for many outside the church equates to a dispute over whether God is a sky-fairy or a cosmic-pixie. And then decides religion is clearly barmy. Just so long as nobody dies for it…

Michelle Malkin is left bitter. LOL.

Now, prepare to be confused.

(more…)

I’m going to refrain from the left-wing blogosphere’s collective gloat at the recent conviction of Paul Staines (better known as Guido Fawkes) for drink-driving.  I’ll just show you the link, and let you cope from thereonin.

Now excuse me while I roar with laughter as a self-proclaimed libertarian (hah…) is fitted with a tag.

Some might find the following offensive.  And rightly so.

(more…)

About time.

Unlike most {all, in the case of the right} I see a deviation from the former stubborness of the Labour Party to be a positve thing. It does show that the Parliamentary Labour Party could easily have destroyed their leadership but for concessions but in who’s view is this actually a bad thing? That Brown acknowledged the error of his ways was pleasing and potentially election-saving for the party, although that he has not learnt his lesson enough to refrain from continuing to push the dangerous illiberal plans for 42-day detention is unsettling and a true pity.

With any luck that intention will fade and this will be added to the long list of raised and then dropped New Labour legislative suggestions, but somehow I doubt it. For now let us enjoy the victory of party over leadership and hope that this averts political triumph of the right. They were apparently jubiliant yesterday but they were denied the grand scalp of a Commons defeat. More than can be said for Blair, at least.

For now.

The nature of the current efforts of Anonymous against the Church of Scientology has yet to have any obvious influence upon the core nature of the target but has already rendered almost unrecognisable both the average critics and the previous absent face of Anonymous.

Previously critics of the religion were a dedicated and largely middle aged selection of those brave and tenacious enough to tolerate the infamous “Fair Game” policy {revoked in name only a few decades ago and still in de facto operation since}. They were often vigorous campaigners and mostly entertaining eccentrics, as well as those who had suffered most from the church’s policies. For the most part they exposed the inner doctrines rather than attacking the religion openly, mainly aiming their attentions at the Church rather than faith. Although with their Usenet presence alt.religion.scientology and personal websites the old guard anti-scientologists were perfectly adept at using the internet the shift of “Web 2.0” left them rather behind. They did, however, pave the way for what was what to come through providing the vast amount of information readily available to all interested online. ARS was responsible for leaking the infamous OT 3 documents, which included the now notorious Xenu theology. A large amount of this currently informs the Wikipedia articles written on the topic of the strange religion and the brutal organisation that acts as its guardian. Without what came before the present campaign would be an impossibility. Be this as it may the similarity they bear to it is minuscule. Anonymous in its present manifestation, and previously, is largely a youth movement that depends entirely on new networking methods to spread its efforts, having been began with a YouTube video and since been publicised heavily on the same, with pictures of the vast-scale raids being posted up on Flickr and, in a meeting of the old and new school, daubing Operation Clambake’s URL “XENU.NET” across a visible section of Drawball.

Anonymous’ former nature is, if anything, more distinct. The term came into existence owing to the imageboard 4Chan’s distinctive trait of leaving everyone who posts upon their /b/ “Random” board anonymous. It is highly likely that the forceful and total lack of any identifiers, even e-monikers, contributed substantially to the extremity of the content posted their and the seeming lack of any form of inhibitions and netiquette present. The efforts of those while operating outside of their confines invariably simply termed them all as a collective of what all individual posters were named. Anonymous consisted of whoever was online and there was never any way of being certain as to exactly this was. When not exchanging porn or memes they tended to entertain themselves through spilling out onto the rest of the internet for thrills and lulz. Their motto ran “Because none of us is as cruel as all of us” and at times they seemingly lacked any form of restraint or mercy. Passwords were hacked, real life locations and phone numbers found, death threats issued, entirely unprovoked flames were hurled at targets such as an underage teen who posted bestial photos of herself and dog. A feminist who mused on a forum that it would have been better had her pornography viewing teenage son been aborted was hounded off of the internet. A paedophile was found and arrested, much the same treatment was delivered to someone who told /b/ about his plans for a school shooting/bombing accompanied by a picture of his firearms. A haughty leukaemia sufferer was mobbed with mockery for his arrogance and pretension. A schoolboy who had shot himself after having his iPod stolen had his Facebook and MySpace flooded.

This reached its epitome on a break-away image board, 711Chan, where the only acceptable motivation was “For the lulz”. Breaches of this near nihilism was committed by “Moralfags”. Amongst their greatest achievements was embedding strobe GIFs into a forum for epileptic sufferers and triggering seizures.

The striking thing about this set-up was its similarity to Scientology. They spoke largely in esoteric jargon that outsiders would require a glossary to understand, with much the same being true of Tom Cruise’s references to “SPs”and “KSW”. They had no respect for traditional ethical systems much as Scientologists are told to be wary of “Out-ethics”. The major difference is that while Scientology intends to “Clear the planet” and thus save the world, while the Chans had no such high illusions. Another difference was generational: the Scientologists see fit to legislate against those that defame their Church. Even although hosted upon the dreaded “JewTube” (Anonymous loathed all that was conventional and mainstream, be it Gaia Online or Ebaums World) the removal of the notorious Tom Cruise interview from the site after legal action was threatened enraged the Chans. Project Chanology consisted of an alliance between the important Chans to destroy the Church of Scientology. This was directly triggered by the litigiousness of the Church, which Anonymous viewed in as much disdain as the efforts to enforce “Digital Rights Management”.

Shortly after the Party Hard protests of March 15th, however, this functional coalition collapsed completely. 711Chan had long considered the surge of “Newfags” the initial video declaring war had attracted to be unfavourable. They were deemed (quite correctly) to be moralfags, epitomised by Mark Bunker who implored Anonymous to abandon their tactics of blankfax and DDOS attacks. Effectively he called for an end to the approach of /i/nsurgency, an approach to which 711Chan, amongst others, was strongly dedicated. The influence which he had was considerable, drawing much of Anonymous away from the guerilla tactics that had previously been the norm. The new form of Anonymous swiftly emerged: dedicated to the task of destroying the Church many were ignorant of their collectives previous manifestation and most demonstrated a focus never previously displayed in Anonymous, which tended to have a fickle mood and a minuscule attention span. /b/ was largely abandoned due to the swift deletion of all that is posted there, which occurs instantly once the 10th page on each board is past. Instead they adopted old school methods: Enturbulation is a large and traditionally used forum and IRC is amongst the most old-school of chat systems. The new Anonymous members are largely those who have been interested in Scientology for a considerable portion of their short lives and see Anonymous as as much a tactic to evade Fair Game as an established entity. In as much as it is defined it is considered a collective with a shared goal and membership of inherently concealed identity. Whereas previously the defining picture had been a headless suited man (still a prominent symbol) now the Guy Fawkes mask dominates.

This chasm came to a head when 711Chan was overwhelmed with drama between those wishing to continue and end Chanology, with the latter camp far stronger due to its long-standing disdain for all new and moralfaggotry. The /xenu/ board was purged and hidden (the URL is active but the location unlinked on the main site) and the IRC channel #xenu killed (although replaced with #xemu, an alternative spelling for the same alien overlord). However it became apparent that they were incapable of killing the new faceless being, despite all their protests of Anonymous’ bad name being defamed: Enturbulation proved resilient to efforts to down and an attempt to perform a Denial of Service upon the newly formed 315Chan resulted in a disastrous, hilarious backfire that caused 711Chan to go offline. The wisdom of launching an attack on a website sharing your server is limited.

/i/ planned a large raid on the Xenu.net to be found on Drawball but failed entirely in ruining visibility, their puerile defacements being swiftly cleaned away. The URL remains perfectly visible from 100% zoom. 315Chan remained standing but has since been felled, although this is a limited loss given the rarity of its usage.

Against this background of inter-chan warfare and strife the April 12th protests loomed in importance. The theme of Operation Reconnect most likely contributed substantially to the unpopularity amongst the Chans, given that it was selected to attract media attention rather than enthuse the Chans. This was certainly achieved, with the Observer and Reuters on this occasion picking up on the story along with various local and foreign national news broadcasting services and presses. This was at the cost of reduced turn-out, although it is likely that this was contributed to by the fierce forecast which I, as always, failed to read as well as April being holidays for students, which it is likely constitutes a fair proportion of Anonymous.

Regardless, when I arrived (at some point after noon, I’d been to Fabric the night before and this made for rather a sleepy time at some points) I observed around 300 anons were present. There was, once again, delicious cake present and indeed a piece was given to me just as I arrived. Memes were also out in full force, although we were lacking on this occasion a Longcat poster. More than compensating for this though was a the now legendary Xenu.net trailer, which was driven past the Church, and later the centre, by a promotional van. Who exactly hired the thing out is still unknown but whoever it was that stumped up the cash certainly managed to keep us enthused and made the entire affair additionally joyous.

The protest was set up much as last time, with the surprisingly convenient balcony filled with milling anons and delicious cake. We were strikingly lucky in getting this and despite the disconcertingly deep pit between it and the pavement it made a perfect place to get an overview of the protest. The Scientologists were huddled inside and the door occasionally, amusingly, blew open the door slightly a few times, meaning that one had to stand there holding it shut. Various music was played, including the obvious Rick Rolls as well as a remix of certain snippets of the Lord of the Rings soundtrack that I had first heard on YouTube the day before the protest and had great fun dancing to. The self-appointed “Happiness Officer” stickered me to certify me as happy.

We soon moved on to Tottenham Court Road, on this occasion the police had used their horses to block off a street leaving us to funnel in the same direction to the tube. Once again I saw the rush of people flowing across the Millennium Bridge and found it a pity that we hadn’t flyered it. The flood of anons was less powerful but still pleasing. We were told on this occasion to turn off all stereos as we headed through the ticket barriers, which was irksome but the massive amount of leafleting that happened to those who past us on escalators more than compensated. There was no in-tube raid upon this occasion since a fail anon wearing face-paint said that people would complain (as if that ever changed anything about the tube before!).

The initial plan had been to flier on the side of Tottenham Court Road we weren’t allowed onto last time. Before we came into the view of the police, that is. As it happened many were distributed but the police let us hand them out on that side of the road anyway as well and the Scientologist presence consisted of a tight cluster and some people randomly off in Camden instead of them lining the street as they had done last time. They formed an odd bunch, hanging around in a superfluously large cluster that basically let us yell memes at them more efficiently. The saddest of the bunch was an old boy who seemed to have been given no leaflets and thus just stood there forlornly staring us as he stood on the street doing nothing.

The rest of the Scientologists were in their usual positions, with bald man missing but the cameramen all in position and filming us, as usual. Angry woman was there, as well as the classy broad none of us have come up with a name for yet who spent much of the time she was there filming us. The most notable point about them became apparent after the police decided that the street blockage was too great to be tenable and, as in February, shifted the barriers forwards to block off half of the Road. The previous protest had been the longprotest, which had its advantages but was certainly no match for being quite so close to the Scientologists and getting the thrill of obstructing all of the traffic. From this distance we could see quite distinctly that there was a far greater impact than on previous occasions. As always they had undergone a slight shuffle so that the same faces were not on offer, one new man was hefty of frame, burly and good looking in an early middle age kind of way. But all of them seemed far less oblivious than previously, when they had done their best to pretend that we were not even there despite standing en masse right in front of their eyes.

Fake smiles seemed to be the order of the day but these faded swiftly. The woman with camera seemed the most animated, we really appeared to have got to her as she was mouthing to the crowd at some points, waving her hands at us to get a bigger reaction for photos at others and mouthing the words to Rick Astley when we blasted it in the direction of the centre.

The ex-scientologists I previously mentioned being present at the last raids were on this occasion both more numerous and given an opportunity to talk to the gathered anons. I saw two of these, the first being a friendly looking chap giving a vigorous speech on a poor mic. His talk was bizarre but only enough to reflect the utter oddness of Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’s writings. Apparently Scientologists do not accept evolution, or at least not from apes, but instead believe that humans used to be creatures named Boo-Hoos and Weepies that were fish-like, beach-dwelling creatures that were terrified of birds and this primal fear formed the source of all emotional discontent in the modern day homo sapien. I had never heard of this before and spoke to him once his speech was done. Apparently he was talking about low level doctrine since the vast majority of Scientologists never reached any OT, let alone the OT 3 which we were quoting at them. According to him most blew long before then and he simply wished to use Hubbard’s early teachings to encourage this process.

He also told me that he had encountered hallucinations after auditing, as did everyone. Not of the beach-dwellers but another character who resided in Hubbard’s writings. This was, again, something entirely new to me but something utterly common. I asked whether we would establish a long-standing problem for the Church: if OT3 was to be revealed to those who reached it then surely the harm them if they’d heard it from us first. He said, however, that as so few reached it this would only cause a few problems.

This was something that I had considered and it made me wonder about the effectiveness of much of our tactics. Certainly Anonymous was left rather muddled by the mixture of RL troll urges and the desire to help the Scientologists. Although we told them to reconnect in a firm chant we also said “Nobody likes you” and yelled “We’ve got better leaflets”. Naturally “C-U-L-T” and “That is a chicken/church/casino, that is a cult” point-chants were also heavily present. Generally attempting to mock and bait them mixed with making an effort to lure them into the outside world. This is perhaps inherent in any effort of Anonymous. We do not forgive, we do not forget but we are fickle.

The Scientologists, however, seemed to be connecting with us more than previously but still seemed very much opposed. This was displayed most clearly when camera lady began to beam and jump for joy when the hail began. No doubt this was a pre-planned demonstration of the infamous “Cause over MEST” than the higher OT levels obtain and it truly was horrifying to experience, dispelling all doubts about Hubbard’s claims to give his most accomplished followers super-powers. The power and persistence of this cosmological onslaught really can not be understated, it battered us heavily and caused all the Anons to huddle closely together beneath all umbrellas, ending up totally covered but still very cold. The Scientologists retreated from the streets and into their org, sheltered but incapable of distributing their leaflets for a time.

The reaction of the Anons beyond sheltering in huddles (one took to a phone booth and wrote a sign saying “I lost the game”) was striking: rather than departing they simply hid, waited and remained. Indeed we even crafted the most amusing chant of the day, pointing to the skies and then the centre to say “Hail, Xenu!” After it a defiant cry of “We’re still here” broke out. The Scis noticed this and seemed rather disappointed.

Their leaflets were obtained and seemed to have been altered since last month, being highly glossy and seeming very expensive indeed. Certainly an improvement in almost every way, but it did give Anons an opportunity to read out some of the 24 “precepts of Scientology” in a rather mocking way (“Do not steal” was especially a favourite, along with “Be trustworthy”). The girl formerly known as awesome azn anon was on this occasion identified as “Save Point” and having set up bins for anons to dispose of “Dianetics and other rubbish” in after the hail ceased was to be found picking up rubbish off of the blocked-off road to save litter-pickers the efforts and our reputation. True dedication from an awesome anon.

Speaking of which Anonychickenonymous was back and dressed as a Starship Trooper. Being a total ethics fag I disapprove of the cruel KFC but the chips I appreciated. Apparently they spent well over £300 on the stuff, which was all collected from anons chipping in together. The entire thing rather had the feel of anarchy, indeed seems to be a fine instance of it. Everything we contributed was brought along save the mystery truck, all of the signs homemade and all of the fliers and stickers from the same source.

Happy from our survival of the rain {indeed, my sticker had been swept off of my coat by the force and thus the officer issued a replacement} we emerged and filled out the same amount of space as we did before, with the Scis showing up outside again as well, the old chap finally finding a use and holding an umbrella but oddly only doing so after it had stopped raining, going back inside and taking it with him shortly before it started to drizzle as well.

To conclude the day a speech from a former Scientologist was given. I had actually not believed me when I had asked him who he was after a brief interview with a journalist and he said “Oh, I’m a scifag” but it turned out that this had been the truth. He gave a moving and rousing speech that effectively pwned the Scientologists still inside with their own doctrine. The impact was so great that once we got the Internet Hate Machine (which had been set up on the crowd barrier directly facing the Church) plugged in and playing Camera Lady lasted about ten seconds before turning on her heel and darting back into the Org. It seemed that our ex-sci was there to “Speak his truth” despite the best effort of Angry Woman, apparently a SeaOrg member, and his own sister’s attempt to “Handle” him.

There were only a few minutes left until the protest ended shambolically but in a glorious fashion, the Scis clearly shaken and a strong happy mood washing over us. We had been filmed by window man for much of the protest and I gestured for him to hug me, his initial confusion resulting in the ex-sci, who’s name was James, giving me a massive embrace to show what I meant. For a moment I was convinced that we had actually coaxed him out as he headed downstairs but when he left the org he turned sharply to the left and walked away instead of crossing the road towards us. “It’s not too late!” I cried as we headed off to the pub.

There I engaged in a fascinating conversation with the ex-scis and another anon, with the younger one James being only a few years older than myself and the other having been 12 when her father joined the Church in the 1960s. James told us more about his experiences within the Church, where he had been born and lived until a matter of months ago. He showed us a text from his sister attempting to “Handle” us and told us that at that time he was no member of the SeaOrg and was looking into a number of different things. He seemed a bright and intelligent man and made no secret of the fact that he had benefited in some ways from Scientology, especially in the introspection it promoted. He was also amazingly nice, even buying me a pint. Apparently though the auditing courses had caused him problems as he had failed to progress yet the Church struggled to find anything defective about him, which presented something of a paradox given that the tech is perfect in Scientology doctrine. He had been forced to disconnect to his sister and father after his mother had been declared a Suppressive Person but resisted, meeting with his sister despite the wishes of the CoS and enduring her efforts to handle him patiently, not allowing her to discourage him from attending the raid. The second ex-sci had had a worse experience of the Church, having had a father part of SeoOrg and thus ending up on Apollo, one of the numerous rustbucket vessels Hubbard spent his dupes’ funds on. Her experience seemed to consist largely of scraping paint and tedium, with various intermissions of total misery such as being locked away with a friend in the hold as a security risk after talking to Greek boys. She remembered Hubbard as a nocturnal type who wrote a good deal, which reminded me uncomfortably of me.

Speaking to those who had suffered due to the church face to face was not something entirely new to me but devoid of my mask and in the comfortable setting of a pub (well, comfortable once I had acquired a seat) it made it especially hard hitting.

Once they left I went to hang with the various anons present. It turned out that they’re pretty much all young and all immensely geekish. The pub contained most of the more dedicated types but there was no srs bsnss, just everyone enjoying themselves and having a good time, besides one twat bombed out on magic mushrooms who everyone disliked and is an effectively inevitable element of any movement that doesn’t exclude anyone actively. They were a fun bunch and the girls surprisingly attractive for a geek meeting. The talk lasted for a long time and the spillover of memes into RL was made complete by the toilet graffiti reading “Poop ‘08” with a reply of “LOLWUT?”.

Eventually we walked past the Church and home, giving the Scientologists a wave as we went by. There was quite a lot of talk on Enturbulation after the protests of numbers falling and it is still a long haul if they are going to destroy the Church completely. But the ex-scientologists both told me that the efforts of Anonymous had left them feeling empowered and invigorated, as well as generally far more willing and happy to speak out. The theme of Reconnect may have caused us woe with 711Chan and the rest but frankly the people who we attracted with it are worth any number of lulz-seeking /i/nsurgents That the movement has helped them confront an institution that damaged their life and speak their stories about the harm it inflicted on them makes it entirely worthwhile and even if it fades away entirely before the next month if its achieved than then I’m happy with the outcome.

Nepal is on course to give their formerly revolutionary Maoist Party a considerable majority in their first elections after the end of their absolute monarchy. This causes some problems for everyone in the west since America still has them officially listed as terrorists and the Gurkas might be dissolved as a military force in service of Britain. Nepalese conservatives were doubtless dismayed as well, given that the top of the policy agenda is now the destruction of the monarchy.

Their leader has stated quite clearly that he intends to evade autocracy and use multi-party politics, which calls into question exactly how Maoist they really are but is certainly welcome. It is expected that they shall want a powerful presidential executive, however, so I remain wary.

Still, as outcomes go it is certainly amongst the best that could have been hoped for. The abandonment of military means has clearly benefitted the former army and they could have caused major problems had they refused to participate. As it is Nepal stands a strong chance of progress, just so long as their governance is as competant as it is radical.

Once again I managed to turn up idiotically late to the protest, as I rapidly realised that I would as soon as I awoke. With it starting at 11 and me regaining consciousness at 10.36 this was effectively inevitable, along with everything else.

My time of arrival was further delayed by the nuisance of a closed tube station, something that was becoming irksomely common. I had to wait for an era for a rail replacement as well, something that made me glad I had not donned mask. That happened at the line switch, where I waited until the area of the platform I was on was suitable secluded and then donned the V mask that I had obtained from Forbidden Planet, along with the boxer shorts that I used to cover my scalp.

The attention of a civilian was attracted almost instantly when a small girl and her mother were to be seen standing next to me, the former gazing towards me in a mixture of uncertainty and awe. The gaze was maintained until I got onto the tube and seats were taken, with her occasionally gazing over. I was, however, approached by a pair of brash voiced Australian wenches who asked me:

“Why are you wearing undies on your head?”
“Because my hair is distinctive and I don’t want to be identified.” I replied.
“Who by?”
“The Church of Scientology.”

They nodded and left me alone.

I found a newspaper and sat reading it, which must have made quite a sight, until I was talked to by a tramp of some description with rather damaged teeth. He asked me where I was off to and whether it was a fancy dress party and I told him what I was doing.

I encountered three other latefags on my way out of the station and chatting we headed towards the first protest location, the London Church. I was wary of a massive turn-out shrink and initially as the protest came into sight I feared that that was exactly what had happened. On closer inspection and more thorough mental comparison it was only a minor reduction, I thought, but then once I reached the concrete platform that overlooked the Church I discovered that a vast swathe of Operation Party Hard was to be found up here.

Last time there had been but a smattering of anons up here but on this occasion there was copious amounts of cake and a vast horde of anons milling around, obtaining stickers, talking and enjoying themselves. It was clearly a considerably increased turn-out and better still there was a lot more cake, on which I gladly gorged myself. There were brownies and donuts and all manner of tasty, sugary things.

The protest was fully underway by this stage, with megaphones being used to blast music out including the inevitable Rick Rolls and, of course, Andrew WK’s Party Hard. The $cilon response was to stand inside looking furtive, with most of the windows vacant and the rooms empty besides some in the middle which had blinds down and thus presumably were full. The Church is adept at toying with preconceptions though, so that could simply have been a ruse. They only showed up in them in order to film us or to fill the hallway, with one fellow turning up on the Church roof with a camera and being met with a chorus of “Jump!” from the gleeful anons, to which he responded by trying {and failing} to hide behind a chimney.

The memes were out in force, as per usual. There was stretched across the balcony a set of print-offs taped together with longcat drawn across it and the slogan “Longcat is LOOOOOOONG!”, which was much like last time but even longer. Another informed us that “$cientology makes Longcat SAD”. Many posters involved mudkips and others simply stuff in reference to $cientology, such as “Scientology kills”. Some, of course, fused the meme and eaning, such as this picture which declared “Scientology’s closed, due to thetans.” “No Scientology please, we’re British” also deserves a special mention and twelve internets, as does “Down with this sort of thing”, which on February 10th was the funniest hand-sign but now become a proper banner.

A few were familiar there, such as the “404 Protester Not Found” hoodie pair and a couple, such as the lampshade men, I had heard would be there on Enturbulation. There were a few unexpected and utterly awesome costumes, like Medic Man, who had dressed up like a Battleship Trooper and handed out chicken after collecting money for a bucket in a bucket, and Mr. Marcab Mask Man who won the “Coolest mask” prize as easily as Pig Mask Man did last time.

There were not, on this occasion, protesters who surrounded the doors but apparently there were some Co$ plants who tried to break in last time so that might have been wise. The opportunity to Rick Roll right next to the Church itself would have been nice to repeat, though. The music was fun, but there was insufficient dancing for a true party, although more than enough cake. Perhaps the two were more than correlational.

Soon after I arrived, a lot sooner than I was expecting, the call went out that we were to move on. I had anticipated this occurring for 2 but it seemed that at least one anon had gotten bored and the rest of us listened to him as he was using a megaphone. Or perhaps this was some consensus established before my arrival, there certainly are a lot more people outside Tottenham Court Road. The police offered to escort us as we went to the train station and we accepted, the officer who informed us that it was available was very friendly, chatty and happy and the police received a massive round of applause just before we left.

As we headed off I commented to an anonywench that the boys in green {blue is too old school, it seems} had not really clocked that we were an international terrorist group yet and she laughed. We headed across the street and down the road, with the sight of the vast number of guy fawkes mask clad protesters behind me truly a vision to behold. Apparently we had not obtained {or sought?} permission to march so instead of doing that we simply all walked together, which apparently an event distinct from marching since we didn’t wave banners or chant as we went.

The video of us entering you can see here and was in fact filmed by an anon standing right behind me. It displays the glorious sing-along to the theme tune of The Fresh Prince, a programme which is the favourite of Anonymous, besides perhaps House. It occurred to me, though, that the idea behind memes was partially Richard Dawkin’s effort to explain the source of much pure human stupidity. A meme spreads not because it is worthwhile but instead because it is culturally contagious. The content of much of the material spread by Anonymous is of questionable worth, such as the Rick Rolls, but all that matters is that they are suitably spreadable. Some is truly of worth, such as 300 and, in its own way, Chocolate Rain but often Anonymous simply has a power to take the nadir of western culture and make it enjoyable. Even Andrew WK, the man who epitomised the nadir of British music when he headlined the NME tour and people turned up just to see Lost Prophets and left early. When you are being rebellious by enjoying the Lost Prophets then shit is bad yet Anonymous named the event in his honour and his sole memorable contribution was aired heavily and utterly enjoyed. That youtube film covers the even more devotional love Anonymous feels towards the Fresh Prince, who there are efforts to save from $cientology’s clutches, in much the same way they attempted to save a masturbating teen from a deranged hyper-feminist mother.

What he missed was that once inside one of the carriages the anon with the speaker played some pulsing techno that lead to us jumping wildly around to its meme-flavoured grooves as the train tore through the tunnel. This winful moment ended with us bundling out onto Tottenham Court Road platform and heading towards the “Dianetics and Scientology Lifestyle Improvement Centre”. The long walk was long but on the way I met someone who may or may not have been the awesome win lady who last time impressed us with her organisational skills and funness (a similar role being adopted this time by medic man) so that was alright.

This was arranged little differently to last time as there was no road block and instead of restricting the car traffic we were left clogging up one pavement entirely and thus restricting the human one. This also resulted in our large group being forced into spreading over a far larger area of the pavement than we had done last time, as there was no pen to hold us in. This resulted in many, myself amongst them, remarking “Long protest is long” quite approvingly.

Here there was more cake, or rather much the same cake relocated on a table that was brought over but abandoned once the protest had ended. The gathering was confronted with the same $cilon in command as before, the grumpy looking chap who I dubbed bald man. Unfortunately we were down perhaps the most popular member of the group there last time, thus gave demanding chants of “We want Red Tie!” Unfortunately he was not forthcoming {we speculated hopefully that he might have blown, but my own suspicion is that he simply proved to popular to post again}.

In attendance again though was fit window lady, who was snapping and filming us throughout. They had leafleteers at the doors as well as at other areas on the road {I encountered the latter later} and rounding up the $cilon posse was a fellow dressed in a fluorescent green jacket who seemed to be trying to use it to blend in with the identically dressed police, and failing. Later he was joined by a burly bulky man dressed in black, who was basically a bouncer, minus “If you’re wearing a mask you’re not coming in.” Both of those secfags were effectively rendered redundant by the massive police presence but I imagine that they wanted to feel other than totally impotent in a face of our cake-wielding protest so they put on a good show.

Finally of mention, of course, is all the cameramen. According to some gents I met later the police had one of their own but also shooting were various media, copious anons and the obligatory $ciCams which covered our every meme. The latter were intended to obtain material both for OSA (Office for Special Affairs, which is somehow even more sinister than it sounds) and in order to ensure that if anything nefarious was performed by anons it would turn up in propaganda videos.

I engaged in some chants and then wandered around to the outskirts of the long protest to see what was occurring. It seemed that a good deal of cake was being handed out to passersby, along with leaflets. I was given some of these but since that end was covered I moved down to the other, where I came across awesome azn girl. All I can say to describe awesome azn girl is that awesome azn girl is awesome. She was handing out fliers, talking excitedly and danced and sang along to the Rick Roll along with me, even admitting to forgetting some of the words, which is true of everyone but nobody admits to.

When I got to the end of my leaflets I was planning on just pissing off but she simply took some more and kept at it so I followed the example and quickly distributed some random news report which showed OSA being evil. Not enough in itself, I though, so I told the people passing it to examine “Xenu.net” for further information. Hopefully one of the numerous banners they would pass bearing the evil alien overlord’s name would help them work out the spelling.

At one point I attempted to cross the road and hand out some leaflets there, mainly because I had spotted a $ci doing it far away from the Centre and figured that it would be fun to balance things out. The thought of them using the increased traffic on that side of the road to profit from our protest was irksome to me. When I reached there the $ci said that I was not permitted to be there and threatened to fetch the police, so I told her to do so since I had committed no crime. She did and surprisingly the police woman concurred with the $ci in saying that I was “Not allowed” to be on this side of the road and suggested that I knew that already. In hindsight I should have said something encouraging to the $ci, or at least told her “You know the rules, and so do I.” Instead I decided to depart but as I was about to head back across someone asked me about what I was there for and I explained before crossing back, feeling glad that I had at least gotten the word out to one person.

That aspect, the firm restrictions, was strange and I decided to investigate further. I asked another policewoman on the other side of the road whether it was illegal for me to return and leaflet on the forbidden side. She said that we were not allowed to, or words to that affect, which did not really answer the question. When asked why she said that it was for reasons of public disruption, that we were already causing a good deal of. Disrupting the public, however, is by no means a crime and thus I asked her again if to disobey would be breaking any actual laws and whether I could get arrested. She answered in terms that made it pretty clear that the answer was “no” but that they would definitely prefer it if we remained on the assigned side. I decided to make her job easier as she seemed nice (another anon and I later had a lovely talk with her when she discussed the hardships of her job and told us that the police transport is filled with their own cake so they neither needed or were allowed ours, meaning that they really do have a partyvan) but it irked me that the lines between illegality and inconvenience were getting so blurred.

At any rate, to cheer me up two encounters heartened me: while passing by a pair of middle aged women asked me what we were protesting about, “Against them, I hope” and I replied happily that we very much were and they left pleased and with a leaflet. Another man can across with a piece of Co$ drivel and asked if I had a lighter. I had soon disposed of all the leaflets and left the awesome azn girl to distribute her stuff, encountering on my way one of the most awesome displays of the day. As the man responsible said: mudkips make everything win.

(Our tech is free!)

I came across a group of four middle aged men wearing no masks, which usually designates little but here meant that I was in the presence of win-pirate legends.

‘Are you the Old Guard?’ I asked.
‘Am I the old guy?’ one replied, with a laugh.
(My mask had left me muffled.)
‘Old Guard I repeated.’
He chuckled and replied in the affirmative, with his friend remarking “They’re just platinum highlights…”
The third I had met already but I was in a different mask on this occasion so I had to re-introduce myself. He had no idea who angry bald fag was but was as affable and friendly as ever.

The misunderstand man was also friendly and explained that he was there since his son had been Disconnected from him for six months. Apparently it had left the poor boy a mental wreck and taken him a matter of years to recover, even seven or eight years later he was now left damaged from the experience. Talking to somebody who had actually suffered as a consequence of the cult was not something that I had done much and it made my sense of purpose yet greater.

According to this man David Miscavige was likely to batten down the hatches and attempt to ride out Anonymous’ efforts but if the cult did go into implode then there would need to be some facilities even beyond the Free Zone (who he talked about in dismissive tones) required to allow the continued existence of the “parishioners” to survive without the edifice of the Church. Effectively they are left institutionalised by the experience and simply can not exist as a functional being beyond its clammy confines and mad rituals.

This was a worry but not a case against tearing the whole thing down. So long as more can be prevented from encountering such a situation then profit has been made.

I then saw the Free Zoner that I met last time. The best way to describe Free Zoners is that they are like normal Scientologists but without all of the lies. I had to explain to him, like with the Old Guard, that we had met before but that I was masked differently and thus he would probably not recognise me. “That’s the idea” he replied, with a chuckle, and I agreed.

He was as friendly as last time and in discussion with a pretty blonde anon. His history with the cult I had heard before but he went into it in greater detail this time: apparently when he criticised the Church’s structure and activities they ploughed through his life to try and find evidence for him not being “Clear”, eventually settling upon a point in his American childhood when he had encountered a psychiatrist at age three. Their suggestion was that he had chemically hypnotised and thus a tool of theirs ever since. At this point he simply “blew” and left the Church altogether without permission. He did not, however, leave Scientology and blonde anon asked him something that I had been wondering since February 10^th: a good deal of Anonymous’ rhetoric was aimed at associating negatives with Hubbard, indeed the choice of the 15^th as date was to make mock celebration of his birthday, which was 2 days before. How exactly did he, as a Scientologist, feel about this? It was here where he really surprised me.

When he spoke of L. Ron Hubbard he did not cloud his talk with the hagiographic praise that I associated with all $cilons, refraining from canonising him and instead stating that although in his later life he became “paranoid” and rather unhinged, perpetuating many unethical actions, in his earlier years prior to this he created a philosophy worthy of following. As a defender of Red Ken I understand and appreciate the argument that an utterly odious man can still create considerable achievements, indeed the existence motivational fallacy shows that even someone interested solely in making money can still create something worthwhile, so blonde anon and I pressed home about the nature of his philosophy.

It turned out that neither of us shared his basic premise that humans are spiritual beings but she skilfully described my view and hers in better terms than I ever could, saying that she thought she was a physical being in possession of a mind capable of coming to consider itself as a spiritual being, which is impressive in itself. Free Zone chap described the nature of Scientology some more regardless, with the central idea being that there is a “Reactive mind” that is the same sort of type possessed by a deer in a forest, which relies entirely upon instinct to guide its actions. Alternatively there is the “Analytic mind” which is the distinctively human form that assesses things with reason and logic rather than responding to stimuli directly and doing that alone. Scientology states that the two minds are hosted within one brain for humans and through purging yourself of the former and ascending the latter you can become a superior person to before.

This is something of a fusion of a philosophical tradition stretching back to the Classical Greeks with a heavy dose of Buddhism, that blonde anon identified, and heavy amounts of psychology in the process used to switch the states of mind (auditing is effectively an unorthodox form psychotherapy using a stripped down polygraph machine as a prop). When we discussed the nature of the “e-meter” he fell a little quiet, perhaps as we seemed dubious as to the reliability of this “monograph” given that even devices which measure far more readings than merely skin electricity levels are not considered dependable.

However he was perfectly happy to talk about the Church’s nefarious activities, which he suggested did not constitute a critique of the philosophy but instead a perversion of it. He confirmed that Scientology’s “Twelve Dynamics” had been altered by the present leadership, with David Miscavige having changed the Second Dynamic from “Sex and procreation” to “Creativity” since members of the SeaOrg (an elite organisation of chronic ultra-loyalist $cis who sign billion year contracts and paid £25 a week) are forbidden to have families and in fact forced to have abortions if they fall pregnant. Just for context, this is somewhat like if the Pope declared that he was going to alter one of the Ten Commandments in order to make specify explicitly that statues of saints and the Virgin Mary were ok, except even more extreme. “Squirrelling the tech” is a great crime within Scientology and anyone making alterations is seem as the vilest form of traitor, for that reason the Free Zoners are invariably accused of as much by the Church.

Indeed, the sheer amount of hatred for the Free Zone exceeds even that they express towards critics. The entirely external opponents of the Church are a threat, while the Free Zone are a challenge. Anonymous has always used the Free Zone as an example of us being opposed to an institution rather than faith. We have no grudge with them and if they were to be all that was left of Scientology then the matter would be considered a triumph and Anonymous would move on. They have not attempted to censor the internet, they did not kill Lisa McPherson, they have never tried to drive anyone to suicide. They are eccentric, certainly, but also harmless and often downright useful.

Like, for instance, when he started to talk to me about magic.

This was another surprise but it was included without ceremony as the final point in a discussion about influences. Anyone who investigates briefly can uncover Lafayette relationship with Aleister Crowley and his “magickal” theology, Satanism. Hubbard was immersed in the occult for a considerable length of time, indeed he had a close relationship with the Thelemic scientist Jack Parsons, with whom he conducted sex rituals in order to summon a Goddess named Babalon and who’s fusion of empirical science and magic (he gave a prayer to Pan when launching his first rocket) no doubt served as something of an inspiration for Hubbard as well.

Crowley, though, clearly had an even greater impact upon him. Scientology is a philosophy which teaches that through a process of ritual and a mystical act that a person can improve their existences through altering their perception of everything. Magic is entirely based around ritual and the power of perception. The Church will deny this tie and indeed stated that Hubbard’s involvement consisted of “Infiltrating a black magic ring in America in order to destroy it”, yet the Free Zoner told me of a speech where Hubbard had announced that he would recommend to anybody attempting to understand the Universe the works of “My good friend, Aleister Crowley”.

Some deep discussion followed this, with the blonde anon initially arguing against Alan Moore’s suggestion (repeated ineptly by me) that the existence of God in the minds of humans is the most important place that it can happen, suggesting that reality does not change according to the suspicions of individuals. We talked deeply for a little while and the Free Zoner seemed to become a little lost. I decided to talk specifics and asked him if the massive stone cross with a cross on the top of the building, the Scientology logo, was originally a symbol of Aleister Crowley’s. He told me that he wasn’t certain but knew it to be a magical symbol of some form.

His forthright honesty with this issue was striking and it seemed that he posed the perfect contrast to the furtive secrecy which the Church protects itself with. The difference, of course, was that he was a lone individual able to tell what he knew while they are concerned with popularity and the profit margin. If he was wishing to “Clear the world” he was certainly going about it in a strange way, given that so many would recoil from Crowleyian influenced anything since he was a man that declared Christianity an obsolete relic of the last aeon and proclaimed himself the Dark Messiah. But for the Church that is their ultimate aim, perhaps even their sole goal. So he could tell me all manner of interesting facts about his faith’s founder while they were left spewing white washed lies.

After this I got back to the proper protesting, waving a banner which he had given me advising that the $cientologists “Google Free Tech”, not because I admire Church devoid Scientology but simply because I knew that nothing would irritate or worry the high-ups more. The chants were heavy at this stage, ranging from the entirely truthful “We’ve got better leaflets” to the hazing, droning “Xeeeeee-nuuuuuuuuuuuu, Xeeeeeeeeeeeee-nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu”. “We have cake, they have lies” was another popular line and, naturally, Happy Birthday Dear LRon was sung at a few points, but not excessively. The stereo anons were trying and failing to use the aforementioned Anonymous affect on “Cotton Eyed Joe”, which stubbornly remained overly shiny shit. I gave a few calls of “Anonymous, what is your…?” and found the power of the response utterly satisfying. Red Tie did not return but we had a new target named “Angry Woman”, who was angry. She refused to offer us any smiles despite repeated demands.

Also, cocks:

I then encountered a pair of people I was not expecting to see at all that day, the anarcho-communists which I had clocked last time around. My considerations of them since had presumed that they were simply going to go to Stop The War in Trafalgar Square instead but it seemed that I was mistaken. When asked I was simply told “The Trotskyites aren’t as funny”, which was undeniably true. If there is one thing you can rely upon the SWP for it is being a vacuum for all humour. They were not going to be standing around exchanging far-lefty esoteric Marxist in-jokes and neither would they have cake, thus their experience was far inferior to the one I enjoyed. Apparently though, the anarchs had paid a visit during the break between the Church and Centre protests, albeit a brief one.

I stayed with them talking to one about his views on anarchism and so on (apparently anarcho-capitalist is an oxymoron, although I suspect that they might say the same thing about anarcho-communist) but deemed it fairly obvious why an anti-hierarchical and anti-clerical pair would object to a Church that dominates and exploits its “parishioners” quite so thoroughly, so didn’t ask.

The rain had began to spit down sporadically, warning but not really wetting very heavily. A surprising amount had stayed but then dispersed. We remained standing around until the police approached us and told us we had to move along. The other anarch asked why and was told that we could move along or “You’re coming with us”. He stripped this of the euphemism quickly, enquiring as to what law we would be breaking in order to warrant arrest. He was told that the protest had ended at five (since Anonymous has no leaders exactly who this was agreed with is an enigma to me) and we replied that the protest was over and that we were no longer protesting. The anarcho-communist flag had been wrapped up, we were no longer chanting. Apparently us wearing masks and standing in the same place that the protest had been was what mattered though. We replied that we were wearing the masks since we were wary of being identified and recorded by the $cilon cameras and then the Other Anarch Anon was informed that since he was wearing a mask and that the policeman was “not satisfied” with this he could be stopped and searched under the Terrorism Act and then the $cientology Centre would “get a nice picture of your face”.

Why exactly he was treating the anarchs (and, I suppose, me) as if we were terrorists and using the unethical practices of a wealthy cult as blackmail was not something that I received an opportunity to ask us about as another anon advised we moved on and we followed this, crossing the road to the tube and heading off to the pub, which is a story in itself.

The protest was perhaps not as fine in atmosphere as the last one but then for a second event it could have been far worse. Our numbers were even greater when I had imagined they would be diminished and this time we had far more cake and thus much more pleasure. We should have stuck around at the Church for longer but the Tottenham Court Road protest was better for us not being boxed in. Again, we raised awareness to all the passers-by as well as those inside the cult, which are both equally important. Better still many lulz were had and the entire thing was permeated with epic win. If this becomes a monthly feature, which it seems likely to given the triumph, then it is hard to see how the $cilons can long survive the endless PR disaster. The anarch explained himself to me by pointing out that the protest against the war was the 5^th anniversary of the largest one. This was not an achievement but instead an indication of their constant, persistent failure. With $cientology, at least, it seemed like they stood a chance of success in achieving their aims. And even if he was wrong we’ll still have had a fun time.

Today is the glorious anniversary of the date that was R.E Vamp’s birth.  As little emphasis as we godless socialistic heathens place on such arbitrary boundraries, we nonetheless feel that if there are to be any such celebrations, this surely is a worthy one.

In short: Happy Birthday, R.E Vamp.