As my history with protests go this was certainly a first.

But then, the same went for just about everyone there.

The first and most vital stage was to mask up. Scientology, especially for a group that ostentatiously promotes free speech, has a shoddy track-record when it comes to its treatment of critics and as Vamp said the most cunning and sly tactic of Anonymous is their concealment of identities. Unfortunately I had no scarf to hand, or rather there was one which would not wrap properly owing to consisting of an inappropriate fabric. Instead I improvised and used a pair of brown boxer shorts to conceal up to my nose, with the scarf covering my hair and the back of my head assisted by a hefty hood.

I arrived after quite a delay owing to the District line being dead for much of its run. I ended up arriving nearly an hour late but it was hardly as if anyone besides me was going to complain. When I finally got there another masked anonymous was to be found at the exit, who made a quick phone call so that he could find the way. I followed.

According to their target, the Church of Scientology “”Anonymous” has publicly proclaimed its guiding materials to be the Communist Manifesto and Mein Kampf. Quite obviously, this group is not just anti-Scientology, it is anti-freedom of religion and anti-free speech.” Rather strikingly, or perhaps suitably, for such an organisation they seemed to have a strikingly diverse message, ranging from out-right assaults (”Corporation of $cientology will kill again”) to brilliantly bizarre non sequiters (”LongCat has a Loooooooooooong Tail!” with an accompanying illustration) there appeared to be not even a semblance of order or structure and although it left things disjointed I found the absence of the standard mass-print-everyone-holds approach rather invigorating, certainly superior in strategy to the SWP/STW method of getting everyone to hold utterly identical placards with a fine-tuned message and barely any deviation.

Indeed the downright oddness of the event was to be its defining feature. This was not only the most geekish protest that I have ever been to but also the most geekish protest that has ever happened. Throughout the day one anonymous would yell “Anonymous, what is your profession?” and receive the response “Aroo! Aroo! Aroo!” in reference to 300, while Leonidas received another nod with a mix of a dance track with various vocals he delivers in that film (including, of course, “This! Is! SPARTA!“)

Also receiving frequent reference was some obscure dance-track (or else just a pop-cult reference that flew over my head) whereby the phrase “Over 9000!” was central, this featuring in both a song and as the response to the second call, always following the aforementioned that ran: “Anonymous, what is your power level?”

Surpassing both this and 300, however, was easily the most referenced film of the day: V For Vendetta. I like to imagine that, in a crowd such as this, the majority were inspired more by the superb original comic than the immensely inferior film but either way, the vision of hundreds clad in Guy Fawkes masks was supremely satisfactory.

Initially I confess to being rather baffled by signs reading “Ron is Gone, but the Con Goes On”, imagining that this was some reference to Ron Paul, the Republican candidate for president and wandered past this crowd with a mutter of “Fucking libertarians…” before it suddenly dawned on me that they instead meant Lafayette Ronald Hubbard and referring to the Church of Scientology as opposed to the Federal Reserve Bank.

Which, in hindsight, should have been especially obvious in that RP is both still alive and in the race…

Anyway, once I got past that lot and over my own idiocy I got a good chance to look around and take in the crowd assembled. It really was a strikingly mixed bunch, with those not in V masks making suitable improvisations, like myself, but a few not clad in any form of coverage.

There was a nifty feature in this location not to be found in any others: a concrete gangway behind the pavement that Anons could ascend to get a good view of the crowd below as well. In the centre of this was an unmasked man carrying a banner advising Scientologists to depart in favour of the Freezone, a heretical break-away faction that appears to espouse the same ideology except for without the vast fees and possibility of ending up dead.

He was being interviewed by a pair of V-clad Anons wearing “404 Protester Not Found” t-shirts that asked him a few questions for a website and discussed exactly how an e-meter might function, with one of the Anons present turning out to be an expert upon biology and another electronics and thus both in a perfect position to analysis it. Apparently it is a simplified version of a polygraph technique and it seemed possible that it was a forgery although one mentioned that the experience of an Anon he knew who had undergone an auditing was rather striking. When they departed while I remained to ask him some questions myself.

When asked about whether comparisons between them and the schism that occurred in the Christian Church (Protestant-Catholic, that is, not East-West) he agreed that it was valid and that he was a “Protestant Scientologist”. Like most Free Zoners he was formerly from within the Church and had in fact held a position of some prominence, before doing some research and discovering the rather grim history of the Church. That had exacerbated some suspicions which he had harboured about it and thus had led him away from the institution, if not the faith.

He maintained that the process of auditing was beneficial and in no way connected to Body Thetans, but discussed the Church’s approach towards bootlegged e-meters built without Church permission. Apparently they have pulled any sales to take place upon eBay and sent a squad of thugs over to shout and attempt to intimidate an 80 year old creator of one. This protester was very much the SP, it seemed, as despite his remaining conviction towards the faith he was operating outside of the Church and thus was something along the lines of a heretic.

Finally he told me that Anonymous had perhaps emphasised its anonymity a little too strongly, given that the gentleman in charge of the “Fair Game” policy the Church utilised was apparently no longer in his post, having simply walked out of his position and the Church. According to him a good deal of others were now kept in something named “SP Hall”, a shadowy location in the Clearwater HQ that even Google could reveal little to me about. It would seem that a considerable number of Scientologists are held there and have been for a number of years. And if that is a lie then it seems that there are simply a good number of Scientologists, including one who formerly ran their publicity and went to deranged lengths to publically defend their reputation.

Another cluster devoid of disguise were also from the Church, with the man I spoke to apparently having started off the whole protest thing way back in 1992, thus being the epitome of the Old School. He said that he had no disguise as “They have all the photos they want of us” and also had a relationship with the Church that pre-dated his activism against it, having been a member in the ’70s.

His views on the organisation were potent and unlike the first man I talked to had not joined the Freezone but instead replaced his dedication to combating the aftermath of Xenu’s influence upon the world via purging of Body Thetans with devotion to a man who got nailed to two planks of wood to save the world. Indeed his vicar was investigating the Church’s relationship with the cult. He was perhaps the most fierce critic I met that day, describing the institution as “Evil” and claiming that L Ron was a lifelong Satanist.

Here is where things get immensely complex. That’s the way with all matters occult.

Apparently Hubbard was a member of the OTO, or Ordo Templi Orientis. This group has a website which can be found here and also a Wikipedia article. They were established by self-styled “Wickedest Man in the World” Aleister Crowley and indeed their motto of “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law” is amongst their most famous quotes, indeed one also referenced by V in V For Vendetta, most likely due to its author, Alan Moore, being enthralled with the occult and a practicing magician.

What tangled webs we weave. Yet all lead only inwards…

L Ron Hubbard’s involvement with the Ordo began with his relationship with Jack Parsons, occult legend and early rocket scientist who engaged in a similar mixing and mingling of science and faith by offering prayer to Pan when launching his missiles into the skies. Their relationship involved attempting to summon a Goddess via a gay sex ritual but ended abruptly when Parsons discovered that Hubbard had performed a fraud upon him to fund his release of Dianetics.

That I all found out from online research but the man also mentioned that demonology forms the foundation of much of higher-level Scientology, with high-ranking OTs required to touch their skin and talk to themselves. He added the symbol of Scientology was notable, pointing it out to me:

“You see that, on the cross?”
“A star?”
“No, it looks like a star. It’s actually a cross through the cross.”
“I…See.”
“Every Satanist has his own pack of Tarot cards. If you look on the back of Aleister Crowley’s then that’s what you’d see.”

I had assumed that they had just meant a Satanist as in a member of the Church of Satan, a strangely benign organisation given its name (I remarked to the Christian that it was striking that of the two Churches it was by far the more ethical) but as that only existed since the late ’70s it was highly unlikely that Anton LaVey’s teachings would influence Hubbard in a “Life-long” fashion.

Before I left the Christian told me that the Church was no mere money-making scheme, that there were only actual believers in the higher echelons and that David Miscavige, leader of the cult, lead no lavish life-style. All the money made was poured into further efforts to expand the Church, in this sense it was entirely self-perpetuating.

I asked a smartly dressed gentleman with a polite expression why he had also opted against it and in an American twang he replied with a bright, wry smile, “Because I have no crimes.”

“What are your crimes?” is the standard line used against SP (Suppressive Persons, that is, in other words me and all others like me who would dare criticise the Church) by the Co$ and although no issued today from their side it became one of the many chants that we engaged in. One of the most popular was the standard four-four progression used in every football match to take place in England for decades, with the beat followed by the word “Xe-nu!”

Scientologists fear that hearing Church doctrine above their OT level may well cause death to them and if this is the case then we were either in the presence of a vastly disproportionate number of high level Operating Thetans or else it is surprising that less of them fell to the ground, given that these chants were of high volume and there was also at least one reading of Scientologist dogma that took place over a mega-phone.

Other chants included the damning “Why is Lisa dead?” in reference to Lisa McPherson, who’s birthday was upon the 10th of February, while a simple, high-paced “Xenu!Xenu!Xenu!” also proved popular. It was realised that this Church of Scientology was located immediately adjacent to an actual Church, a Christian one. This lead to us pointing from one to the other and declaring en masse “That’s a Church, that’s a Cult” in increasingly quick succession, until breaking into a rapid “Church!Cult!Church!Cult!Church!Cult!” cry that was bound to infuriate any Scientologists, who see this as a tender point, within earshot. In addition to this a singing of “Happy Birthday” addressed to “Dear Lisa”, which was the exemplar of the dark humour utilised by the group. It occurred to me that any group attacking an organisation guilty of involvement of deaths “For the lulz” tread a fine line but the oddness seemed to defy any form of cohesive reasoning, which was perhaps all as it should be.

Music played a substantial role, with “Never Going To Give You Up” becoming the theme tune of the day and even although I had never heard it previously by the end I knew all of the words anyway. At one stage the group across the road {some were clustering around the doors and being kept from obstructing access} turned one some pounding hard-core techno and I decided to join in which the hilarious dancing.

Perhaps in a reference to Scientology’s claims or perhaps just because it is awesome fun the Soviet National Anthem got an airing, blasted from the boom-box set up upon the gang-way, amplified from the mega-phone. Announcements were also made from here, including the final move-on order. We were told that we were to re-assemble at Tottemham Court Road outside the “Dianetics and Scientology Life Improvement Centre”, where further protests would occur.

This happened shortly after the pair of horse-mounted police had returned the increasingly large group crowding around the entrance onto the other side of the road. I was impressed that they’d even been needed.

There were some plans, especially from Pig Face Man (the most awesome mask of the day) that we should go to the pub but instead we moved on there pretty immediately. This process involved the use of a train, with us heading from the nearest tube towards Blackfriars. On the platform awaiting a train I observed an altercation between a brash, black/asian American and a middle aged man wearing glasses and a beige jacket with grey hair.

Initially I actually assumed that this was an instance of Fair Game in action and that the gentleman was an ex under duress. It became rapidly apparent that this was not the case, however, and it seemed that the pugnacious young lady had her own website and was part of a group (one with a through the nose/forehead bridge piercing was doing camera work) covering the event.

Rather unwisely for a group lead by someone so rude none of them were masked.

After molesting him some more (her parting remark was “I think what you’re doing is really evil”) she left, but not before some photographs were taken of him, without consent. He asked them to stop and they replied that “You’ve been taking them of us” without permission. He replied that he had taken photographs of no one and I explained that I had seen someone taking photographs with a long-range lens in a systematic manner earlier that day, as indeed I had.

To this he had no response.

I continued to talk to him for a short while, telling him that he was the first Scientologist I had met that day. He replied that I had probably met a good deal more and just no realised and I admitted that he was not what I had been expecting. I mentioned the video Vamp posted where Scientologists were behaving confrontational and the following exchange was subsequent:

“And you don’t call what you’re doing confrontational?”
“Why would it be?”
“Dressing up like a terrorist.”

I had to point out to him at this stage that most terrorists did not wear boxer shorts and since the other Anon next to him was wearing a fantasy style Halloween helm I pointed out that was hardly Al-Qaeda Afghanistan training-camp standard, with my ally nodding and saying he must have taken a wrong turn.

We had to change lines at this stage and I offered to shake his hand but he told me that we were probably headed to the same place. I suspect that his reluctance had other origins, though.

We did indeed end up in the same carriage again, though. This gave me an opportunity to press over his beliefs. His line was that we were not getting the full view of Scientology, but actually he kept pretty quiet unless prompted, being softly spoken and claiming at points not to be able to hear thanks to my mask. He stated that Scientology was really about the belief that humans are spiritual beings that are born into spiritual bodies and will be again. “Reincarnation?” I enquired. He told me that “We don’t use that term” as it was too loaded and had to much, presumably Hindu, baggage. He argued that we had only read distortions of Scientologist beliefs found on websites opposed to them and when I told him that I had already read Scientology’s website he said that this was not the best place.

Apparently the Church was free and just required donations like any other religious organisation. The cases brought up, such as Lisa McPherson, were what you would expect of any institution with 12 million members and such irregularities were to be anticipated.

This seemed highly dubious to me but the station was reached and I departed, suspecting that he was more in the know about which stop was the correct one but not deeming it wise to be separated from the other Anons. I was told upon reaching the platform by the aforementioned American that I was being “Too nice to him”. I replied that “If you act like a twat…” only to be cut off by an outraged, indignant peal of self-righteous fury.

I couldn’t say that she was a twat, that was unacceptable etc etc. I tried to apologise and explain that I did not actually mean her and that I was simply suggesting that you caught more flies with honey than vinegar and so on but she seemed entirely immune to reason and so I gave up, having managed to severely offend the anti but no the Sci.

I had been informed that the Goon’s of SomethingAwful would be in attendance but if they were there then they did not make themselves apparent. Instead much the same bunch congressed upon a pavement, getting quickly fenced in. I stayed outside of this initially, wary of getting closed in and having sore memories of bouncer treatment at festivals.

It seemed that here there was no option of us filling along to surround the doors, as they had set up shop, lining a table with books and sending out leafleteers to confront our barrage of invective. Here the crowd was tight, necessarily so thanks to the metal bars, and we were buoyed by the triumph of the police having blocked off half the road to accommodate us. There were far more passers-by here and when I grabbed a fistful of fliers and engaged in anonyganda the material was gone in under two minutes.

The last was delivered to an elderly woman who engaged in a lengthy discussion with me about other systems of charlatans ripping off the unsuspecting and vulnerable. Her suggestion seemed to be that they were just as bad and that we should instead devote ourselves to a shop down the road, which she told me was associated with sex and was “Evil”. I asked her why sex was evil and her daughter interceded to say that what her mother, of course, meant was that the way that sex was comodified in such establishments was immoral, but I still considered her an insufficiently conservative mouth-piece.

There were, as well as a lot more passers-by, a lot more police here, although the Legion was sure to bring their deficiencies to their attention with the chant of “The City Police had horses”.

Memes were flying thick and fast here, with one massive “Xenu” chant being the most satisfying and more choruses of Happy Birthday ringing out. Someone on a megaphone tried to arrange a minute’s silence but there was no chance and he later attempted, after a few sardonic comments, to get those around him to make some noise for Lisa, with far more success.

There was also more music: with a man on a mandolin and another accompanying him on harpsichord making easily the most talented performances of the day, although perhaps matched by Bongo Man, who was providing percussive accompaniment for the whole thing, pummeling proceedings a pulse. Along, of course, with “Never Gonna Give You Up”.

Here we could peer right into Scientology’s heart, with chants of “Why’s your shop so em-pty?” coming to dominate while the leafleteers worked with increasing desperation. Cries of “Rip it up!” and “It’s a trap!” reached the ears of many receiving this propaganda and often they obliged. Many from our side snuck over to the other and did precisely this, often with their Guy Fawkes mask in the other hand. For some reason the police frowned upon this.

At one stage Pig Mask Man ran across and actually took a seat on a stool he tugged out from beneath their table, seeming likely to engage in a spot of reading of Dianetics before the police dragged him away.

Mostly, though, they were perfectly friendly and affable. Despite, it seems, the best efforts of the Scientologists.

Throughout the day we were being monitored by them, with people from the windows gazing down at us and one personnel referred to as “Camera Lady” by us Anons constantly praised for her winning combination of good looks and persistence. At another point a presumed scifag ascended a roof to get some over-shots of us, receiving a massive cheer.

Everyone with a distinguishing feature received a name, from Red Tie (who was handing out papers) who was derided for being incapable of smiling to Angry Man (who was victim of one of the numerous instances of tautology, with the crowd declaring “Angry Man Is Angry” and later, with rather more cruelty, “Bald man is bald”).

The hustle and concern from inside the room occasional was punctuated by some laughter but some information I was to receive from another veteran made it clear that this was not so superb for them. Away from the ground but observing it all was a bearded man clad in a t-shirt that caught my eye in a big way.

Before Project Chanology there was Operation Clambake.

Those behind Xenu.net have been operating a website against Scientology since 1996 and it was their website that both provided the information that had inspired and was heavily linked by all those gathered here. When it comes to resources against the Church it is quite simply without peer.

This man, it seems, was involved with that lot. He’d been protesting for a decade (after 1992 that did not sound quite so impressive, though) and had contributed a vast amount of information and articles and had dealt with Scientology spies first hand. He was also filled with information, including the fact that it was Church practice to film and photograph anyone protesting and send the data to the Los Angeles chapter, that dealt with such matters. They would get a mark for each protester and another for each new protester.

However, when hundreds turned out and almost all were wearing masks this system this caused…Problems.

Angry/Bald man did indeed seem upset but I was not entirely surprised to see my grey-haired friend from earlier also standing there. I returned to Clambake Man to see if I could get an id but he wasn’t sure. What I did find was this, where he can be seen requesting that the police do something to prevent the protest and getting thoroughly pwned by the policeman responsible, who says that we are entirely friendly and responsible in the last minute, as well as defending our right to protest.

Upon watching this I felt a surge of respect for the police and a gnawing wave of disdain for the man who had seemed fairly respectable in conversation trying to crush our demonstration while he thought nobody was viewing him.

Grey haired man is ghey, perhaps.

On a related note I also managed to spotted a familiar flag that I recalled from Wikipedia, and bustled my way over to have a word.
‘Is that the Anarcho-Syndicalist flag?’ I asked.
‘It’s the Anarcho-Communist flag.’ one of them, with a face-scarf to match, replied.
According to him A-S was just a way of organising, and the intended outcome remained the same.

I moved on my way, holing up the LongCat for a little while before tiring of it and leaving her positioned between some railings, a situation which many were unaware of, leading them to accuse Scientology of killing her. A number of coups occurred, such as the building next door to the Church to place up a sign in the window reading “Cult” that had an arrow pointing right and remained in place for a few hours before vanishing, possibly along with the resident. Scientology Scripture OT III was read out (again, no deaths) along with some extracts from the Sci-prop delivered over the megaphone in a scathingly mocking tone. One of the distributors across the road was identified as the English teacher of an Anon in a declaration made via megaphone and vanished for a while shortly afterwards, while one of the Anon statements was also played through it.

The chants proceeded, including the e-cultural “eBaums’ World!” and with “Cult/Scum/Get off our streets” being the rather more aggressive one resorted to later on. The “Holy Grail” of all anti-Scientologists is to make Scientology taxed like the business it is instead of a religion. Towards this end we insisted “Pay your VAT”, with even the anarcho-communists joining in and hopefully our efforts will at least assist it being refused charitable status. However “We’ll leave when you close” proving somewhat untruthful as when the crowd thinned out after 5 the police decided to move and removed the barriers, although left their vehicles blocking the street. The crowd dispersed in response to this, heading off home.

Meanwhile, the Scientologists kept on handing out leaflets.

I remained to watch them once the other masked men and women filtered off, observing them from afar and quite possibly getting noticed but not being greatly concerned. I kept my eye on them for a little while but I had an arrangement with a friend to visit so could not remain solo.

That is something that needs to be arranged for next time, but overall I certainly consider this a victory. The amount of negative publicity caused must have been considerable and the amount of people we got the message to vast. The beeps from passing cars, even the occasional “Long Bus” (which, of course, was long) were continuous at times and suggested that if we didn’t have much support at the beginning of the day we probably did by the end.

And this was not a confined effort. It seems that while the printing press, as Benedict Arnold so marvelously argues in his masterpiece Imagined Communities, was able to construct an entire element of identity that had previously been absent altogether and draw together a landmass as something entirely new and innovative, so the internet is able to draw together the World.

All across the Globe this Prison Planet of ours turned out to attack Scientology. Wikinews has thorough reporting on it, the protest that spanned four continents and was arranged entirely without leaders, with only whatever funds could be mustered by the grass roots that consisted its totality. Knowledge, humour and a sense of justice drew out the OVER 9,000! to protest at the destruction of human dignity for corporate interest, at the notion that out of an alleged 12 million who live and give money a mere life, a mere Lisa McPherson, is of no significance. A caption slamming Reuters and AP for failing to pick up on this remarked that it was of little concern since “We are the New Media” but we also appear to have created ourselves a new activism.

And just as the old one was seeming unbearably stale…